i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
