I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
