she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
