Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
