I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
