Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
