He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
