She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
