I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
