Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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