She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
