i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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