My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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