people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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