the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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