I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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