Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
