you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
