So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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