last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
