My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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