he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm sobbing to NWA
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
