so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
