That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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