If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
