and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
