Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
