I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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