No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
