I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
