I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
