He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
