Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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