I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
