The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
