Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
