My room smells like vodka and shame
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
