I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
