i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
