If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
