before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
