I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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