i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
