I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
