Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
