your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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