Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
