Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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