watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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