The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
this hospital has no fireball
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
