do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
