someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
