I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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