so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
