It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
